Big Palms Big Plans

At the end of May, I’m going to pack up whatever I haven’t thrown to the wind, and drive from Vermont to British Columbia; in the least direct way I can think of (via new orleans and some mountains). The current iteration of the plan involves Winnie and I living out of the back of the truck. Living the over idealized dream. Buying into traveler culture.

Win sitting in Dylan at our old place

But in all reality,
I don’t want to be that person.

nayyirah waheed wrote

you still want to travel to
you could not take a camera with you.

– a question of appropriation

Right, okay, so I will primarily be in the US. But have you noticed how fucking big the USA is? Does jumping in my car and driving away only contribute to some fucked concept of ‘wanderlust’- and just shove my privilege to do so down your throat? Can I bring any good from an admittedly selfish endeavor?

I’m definitely over thinking this.

A question of appropriation. A question of why we do the things we do. For approval? For validation? For affection?

Why in the world do I want to live out of my truck and not speak to anyone for days on end?

Maybe it’s just as easy to ask why want anything. Why do anything.

Ah fuck

I miss that feeling I had when I looked out over the vastness of the Rockies, driving through who knows where in Utah. I felt so small- more like an alveoli breathing with the world than a human driving around in a little metal death box.
That’s totally where self-realization begins. Or maybe ego death, I’m not sure.

I want to feel small.


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anxious 20-something in new england busy finding meaning in other peoples houses critics welcome

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